Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
