I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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