Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
