Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
