You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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