i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
