I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
