I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
