3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you made out with another girl for some wings
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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