sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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