I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
