I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just invented taco cereal.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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