I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
