he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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