when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
