The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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