White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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