we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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