I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
