Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You need a sexual gate keeper
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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