Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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