actually, I'm a sock model
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
