My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize