She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
