I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize