I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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