Kiss
Puke
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
