i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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