Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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