I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
