problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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