dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
