i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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