I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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