Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
