but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
