They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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