Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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