It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize