Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
