I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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