meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
