Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
