Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
