I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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