If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
