There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
