Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
