Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
