I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
