garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
