I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
