she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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