I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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