If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
