weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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