I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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