i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
