Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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