She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
