i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
