and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
