he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
