Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
