so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
